--- Interlude: Kema Therapy, pt. 3 --- Session Start: Mon Apr 09 00:31:36 2001 --INTERLUDE START-- * Neydisa keeps a bit of a restles vigil over Shane while he sleeps, her mind wandering as she rolls the strange cube over in her hands... turning her head, she sees a clock turn 8. Msh.. fsh... * Shane turns in his sleep, restlessly. «ooc: Mesh fish? » * Shane sits bolt upright, eyes wide, sweat broken on his brow... Wings... * Shane 's head darts around... Reality reasserts itself. * Neydisa looks over to the bed and is promptly startled. "S..Shane.." * Shane takes deep breaths... Ney...Neydisa... I... Just dreaming... * Neydisa speaks softly. "Are you alright?" ...just dreaming again... Yeah... I'll be fine... * Shane removes his blankets and lets his feet hang off the side of the bed, to let the sweat dry off... I... The winged one this time. * Shane closes his eyes. Him and Drum... Chasing... * Neydisa folds her hands in her lap. "You had a dream about the Guardians?" * Shane closes his eyes, breaths calming breaths. I always do. I always have... now I know that it's them... but I always... Nightmares... Tigers rending me... Giant birds disembowling... huge men an women chasing... it's always dark, too... Hazy... * Shane rubs his face. * Neydisa has a hint of sadness as she listens... Even when I was a little... * Shane looks down. I never asked for any of this. *** Davis (wtknleo@nic-30-c18-119.mw.mediaone.net) has joined #warpg No, I don't think any of us did... but it's happening... * Shane makes a small hop to the floor, straightens out, and walks to the washbasin. You know... I always reassured myself whenever I thought of them... I told myself that they were myths and tales to scare children... But my nightmares are real... * Shane scrubs his face with water, rubbing his hands. * Neydisa leans back on the chair, her tiredness evident. "But they aren't nightmares... they are supposed to be protectors. That's how they came to be called Guardians..." * Shane sits down, and looks at Neydisa sadly. I don't think... they want to guard me. Shane, was it true what you said before? I... I don't know. Back.. back in the Bird there. Kema said so... ...She's said many, many things. So far, nothing she has said has turned up false... * Shane grimaces. I cannot fathom. The news was a shock to me... but it fits with what she's been telling me... Ellena knows... I told her... * Neydisa hangs her head. "Could you really have ... killed spirits?" * Shane laughs a bitter laugh. Killing a ghost. That's... * Shane shakes his head. I don't know. When I was in the land I thought a Dream... The spirit world... ...I was very ill at rest. And the only friendly thing I found there was Ellena. * Shane grimaces again. * Neydisa nods slowly... I very well could've done what she said... Hurt the Spirit Realm... I always wondered why you seemed to be the only one in pain in that place... ...Angered the 'Guardians'.... * Shane trails off. When I saw you, you just seemed like.. like a scared child. When? * Neydisa looks up at Shane with ehr amber eyes. "I left with the spirit Raven to find her.. and you were there with ehr and Cathay. But... it wasn't the Shane I know right now, at least." I... I don't remember that. I... Ellena, and then the Winged one... The White Man appeared. I tried to kill it, but... ..and then... ...and then Mary was there. You shot at the Heaven Guardian? Solus Emsu? That's his name, yes. Why would you fear him.. you're nto a ghost... He was chasing me down in my dreams just now. Him and the Dark Lord side by side. * Shane shakes his head. He judges the lives of all beings, but only the unnatural would ever be in danger. And I was supposed to have done this as an infant... The Great Guardians of Filgaia tried killing a tiny baby, and failed... * Shane laughs nervously. There's something even more frightening that Kema told me. * Neydisa doesn't seem to laugh though... ...She said that I injured myself in the tantrum that hurt them all... That part of my mind scarred. ...She said it's healing back. And you think this is the reason you're ebcoming so endangered? « er becoming » ...She says I will no longer be human when everything is over... This has been eating at me since I learned it. Endangered? * Neydisa shakes her head. "This machine.. this mad chase. Maybe.. maybecompleteing it somehow is part of that healing. And that is why only you can seem to do anything..." * Shane shrugs. I do not know. Not yet. I know I will, though. If I live... You're not going to die... When we found out about Ellena, my heart lightened for a moment... I thought that since I won't be human, and she isn't... ...but I don't think that's to be... ...not anymore. * Shane looks away * Neydisa swallows a minute, clearing her head of the riding fog. "Is that why you are pushing her away?" « er rising ^^ » I'm not pushing... ... ...I'm pushing her away? Just.. you have been so cold.. she only wants to help you. And right now, she needs all of us making her feel worthwhile afetr hiding all that time.. * Shane looks down. I don't think I can protect her if she keeps following. I'm afraid that this will all end in sorrow. You know, when I ran after Death the first time, I didn't give Kema much heed. I was trying to ignore her, actually, the voice in my head. When I chased after Death, it was to protect her... I don't know why I feel like I do about her. She was the first person I'd ever been given charge to protect. I don't know why I even listened to that other Shaman... But I did. * Neydisa sighs heavily. "Well, you did keep that promise then..." * Shane looks dead. She has other protectors now. She should just leave with them. Hikaru and his in*cess*ant whining have some truth.... Danger has been seeking me out of late. I wish it wasn't that way... * Shane shrugs. For the love of fire, I'm wearing a *bomb* right now! For protection! That's the amusing part... * Neydisa blinks, confused for a second. "Er.. well it is kind of ironic. But still..." «ooc: In*cess*ant, is it? What warrants those two asterisks? ;) » * Shane shakes his head. « OOC: inCESSant. emPHAsis. » So, there that is, Ms. Kingfisher... The Guardians don't like me. And mostly, it's a mutual feeling. * Neydisa looks distraught. "Shane, I... I don't want to think that they hate you..." Sometimes we must accept the uncomfortable. Especially if it is truth. It's not as if I have a good bond with every Guardian... and you call upon such as Duras Drum. Do you realize I couldn't do that so easily? The only reason I can call upon that thing is because when I do, I can't feel anything. Even touching that piece of rock... * Shane shivers slightly, as his face strains. That's why I keep it wrapped... I've tried to get rid of it, but for some reason... We've proven that the Dark One hates me, too... Only the Pretty One and the Unicorn don't... * Neydisa nods faintly. "Odoryuk took you away..." They said he was the Healer... That's his excuse... I only think Lucadia doesn't hate me because of my Mother. Your.. mother? * Shane nods, quietly. * Neydisa seems to awaken a little mroe at the mention. She... was one of you. Only, she was...? "High Shaman"? High Shaman? I don't know much about her. She died birthing her only child... Dad never talked about her much. * Neydisa blinks. "I thought every shaman was equal... I've never heard of titles..." Unless... I think she was very close to her Patron... * Shane frowns. * Neydisa ponders something. "...been to Baskar?" My mother was Baskar. Can't you see it in me? I'm only a quarter.. She was half... Maybe it's not as apparant as I always thought... * Neydisa squints slightly. "You are a little darker..." * Shane wipes his face down again. But.. I mentioend it for another reason. oh? * Neydisa clears her throat. "In Baskar they... practice old Guardianism for the most part. Maybe somehow she achieved a special bond with Lucadia that we don't know about anymore..." * Shane shrugs. I know not. I only mentioned it because I think she hates me not because of my mother... * Neydisa considers. "It wouldn't be unheard of... I believe it." My family is blessed by Lucadia.. I'm just following in that long tradition that my mother did... * Shane nods quietly. Neydisa... why have you been around through all of this? Is it just that dream-vision you had? * Neydisa coughs once. "Maybe you know why bettr than anyone after today..." Ah, yes... You think that you're running still, yes? It's betetr to run than stay still, isn't it? At least I have the chance to do something.. that was the mistake I make before. You doubt your own conviction. * Neydisa seems very small in the large chair. "I don't know..." I've seen you in these weeks we've been travelling. Thinks that would make other women tremble you stand in defiance of. Things that make men weep you face without turning away. Yes, but.. but I wodner sometimes if that's really me standing there. You think it's just a shadow-you, conent in being what others need as long as you aren't yourself? « OOC: content » * Neydisa doesn't respond right away, stammering. "I.I do want to be msyelf. But not the me I am now..." What do you want to be? * Neydisa closes her eyes briefly. "I want to be the girl who stepped off that ship in Rosetta and saw a land of opportunity and happiness before her 4 years ago..." What are you now? * Neydisa opens them. I'm.. I'm a shadow. I'm like ehr shadow, trying to catch up to where she went. Only I'm stuck in a choking cloud of my own failure... * Shane shakes his head. * Neydisa rubs ehr hands. "I have made amends for some of them.. like GaiaCo..." You've not failed anything. You've only been Human, Ney. You are what you think you are. Realizing that changed my life for the better. If you think you are a failure, then you are a failure. If you think you can do what you want, then you will do what you want... Is that how you have come this far? I do what I must. That is how I have come here... Have you ever seen addicts, Neydisa? Others wasting away? * Neydisa nods. "Constantly... that is why I am so afraid of giving up." Ah... But, have you seen those whom recover? * Neydisa nods again. "The few..." I lived in the slums here in Adlehyde for years, wasting away... And I saw only a few ever recover. «ooc: The proud... the marines. » And they needed the help of people whom cared... and even with that, they needed to conviction to finish it themseves... That's the reason... * Neydisa looks determined. "I have the support.. but I need to finish it myself... I need to stand on my own eventually." I only know of one that didn't have anyone else. ...but you... you can stand on your own! You risked your life, by yourself, to save Ellena. Nobody made you, nobody was there forcing you, yet you saved another. Do you recall that? * Neydisa struggles. "Yes.." I ahd to do it.. I promsied her I would.. And unnumerable times you've faced certain death, when always there was the option to just plain not go, you've come and succeeded. So how can you not think that you don't have the strength yourself? * Neydisa looks down. "But the Guardians and you all were watching over me..." If you believe that absolutly, then what's the point? Your lords will always watch over you, won't they? Shane... it's actually because of that... Forgive my heresy, but I don't think those things Guard much anymore. Have you seen the 'Fertile Filgaia' latly? * Neydisa fiddles with ehr hands. "I broke the code of purity by what I did.... I disgraced the greatest thing possible with my weakness.." That's why.. she's still my strength even after what I did. That's why I have to make it up to Lucadia and msyelf. Maybe then I'll stop feeling this way... * Shane arches an eyebrow. I thought you all used harder stuff than Trees to guide your Spirit Quests... * Neydisa mumbles. "Some do... maybe you can say that's how I started it." But it's still sinful.. for what I believe... I lost my just standing up for those very beliefs. « er lost my job » Religion... GaiaCo polluted the ocean blatantly.. I couldn't sit and do nothing.. but after the blacklisting, I just lost mroe and mroe faith in what I did. I cannot change your beliefs, Neydisa. All I can tell you is that I have faith in your strength. * Neydisa sniffles quietly... If I had to choose anyone of our sordid group to go to the Abyss and back with, it'd be you. You're the strongest of the lot. Shane... I hope I'm worthy of that when this is over... * Shane nods. Neydisa... I have a favor to ask of you. If I build this machine, if the Master is dealt with and I'm no longer in danger... * Neydisa composes herself. "Then..?" ...I will need one day to face your Patron. I have made my mind up on this. I must face her, and I must face the ones I fear... I will need a Shaman guide. I was hoping earlier to have Ellena by my side, but... * Neydisa nods.. If things don't work out.. Things? * Neydisa shakes her head. "No, nothing... if you want a Shaman, I've always been here for you Shane. I'm not about to say no." * Shane nods, slowly and sadly. I can't say I wouldn't be interested myself. I don't want to go. But I must do what I must do... I wonder what Kema would say... I suppose I only have to wait to find out... I want to know how Cathay bridged that gap... how do body and spirit come together, and then maybe I'll know how you seperate them... « OOC: good time to have Kestrel knock? » « hmm.. when do you think ^^ » « OOC: you have more to say? » « er.. one mroe thing :) » *** Lucca (dinner@pionet-250.lclark.edu) has joined #Warpg *** ChanServ sets mode: +o Lucca « OOC: hey lux » * Neydisa nods. "If it's all true, maybe you are the one who knows how to do that in the end, Shane..." «ooc: Hey. :) Here but working, so will not talk much :o » I know nothing about spirits, Neydisa... Nothing except I dislike them... and they dislike me... You know... even the little windmouse raises the hairs on my arm if I dwell on him? * Neydisa looks at him sleepily. "Even Rayle? He's really a big floating teddybear if you get to know him..." Maybe that's just me, though. * Shane shrugs... * Neydisa manages a sleepy smile as she looks at the clock, hitting 9. "...I guess I'm not getting much time to rest." « you can have him knock now at any time and end it :) » >> A knock issues from the door... ---Lude End--- Session Close: Mon Apr 09 05:48:56 2001