"What if you've got nothing to lose but yourself?" I murmur and stare after him for moments after he is gone. Roric is obviously a slave to no one but himself. I wonder how long he has been so disconnected, so unwilling to accept other people's love. What was it he had said? "Not gonna let feelin's get in th'way of any potential fucks". The fact that Keylia is apparently one of those random encounters makes my guts burn with something besides hunger. Jealousy? Hate? Reality?

I can't be sure.

I do know, however, that now I'm left with a hundred doubts. I can't have what I care about if I'm a hero? There's probably truth in that. Which means I can't have the happy ending, the acceptance, the love. The knowledge stings deeply and sits there festering in the back of my throat. My thoughts drift as I start to walk after him, towards Luka and the rest of the group, passing gentle plantlife and soft toned stone pillars.

I was alone to begin with, really. I didn't have anything. No friends and no comfort. Nothing. Nothing to lose but myself. Sighing softly, I pick up the pace. That phrase is no longer true now. I know it. I think it's painfully obvious. Still I said it, still I repeat it in the back of my mind. What am I trying to do? Convince myself?

My stomach growls painfully and I feel the urge to be sick rise rapidly. With great effort I push it away, push it down. This isn't the time nor place. Suddenly I think back to the apple Cody gave me and frown, realizing that I've left it on the poolside. The contemplation of going back to get it lasts for a mere scant seconds and I shake my head. Let me hunger. I think of the apple as Cody. The garden is a holy place, full of life and peace. A perfect place for him. He belongs there. Without my taint. I'm the outsider that comes in and shadows everything, stepping on the peacefully thriving grass without thought.

I wonder briefly where I've gotten this pessimistic attitude from. Have I always been so dark and dreary? My thoughts drift back to my childhood, when I was full of light and laughter, infecting everyone around me with it too. No. This only developed after...

I won't think of it.

As I near the doorway, I pause and draw my sword, gazing at it. It is rusted and ordinary looking. Yet it's the Mana Sword. Is that symbolic, too? Can powerful and beautiful things be found underneath all the dirt and grime? I'm the Mana Knight, suddenly. The 'leader'. People will depend on me, on my strength, on my will. Can I support all their hopes and not be crushed under it like Roric thinks?

Can I break free of his dark premonitions and prove him wrong as well?

The answer is a mystery. Might always be one. As I sheath the sword, heading in from the gentle beauty of the garden, I don't look back because I'm sure it's like I was never even there to begin with.

Among the soft silence, there is nothing. Just the slow growth of trees and plants and life. The air hangs heavy with the smell of flowers. An elevated pool sits, the waters glimmering almost playfully. It is the way things usually are. Except for one thing. An apple rests peacefully on the marble poolside, left by the Mana Knight. A testament to her presence.

And you know what they say might hurt you,
and you know that it means so much,
and you don't feel a thing,
I am falling,
I am fading, I have lost it all.

THE END