==Lude Start== * Niri has managed to get Mikel to the infirmary, under the healers' care. After making sure he was settled, Niri chose to stay and keep an eye on him. She sits in a chair near the bedside, feet propped against a nightstand as she stares off into space, looking troubled. * Mikel stirs after a couple of hours, letting out a groan and opening his eyes and blinking a few times as he wakes up. * Niri is still for a moment, still staring off into space, but after a few seconds she shakes herself and turns to Mikel, dropping her feet to the floor. "How are you feeling?" ...like someone shot me, really. But better now. Not surprising, really. *She looks at Mikel, her expression troubled, as if she's trying to decide how to phrase something.* * Mikel shifts so he's sitting up, looking at Niri. "What's up?" ...I thought you weren't going to try to get yourself killed anymore. ...well, I'm not. Sure looked like it to me. What were you thinking? You're lucky to be alive! * Mikel closes his eyes, leaning back against the headboard of the bed. "Well, yeah. But I wasn't trying to get myself killed." * Niri is silent for a moment, mulling that over. ...I can't entirely remember what happened - it was kind of a blur. Well, let me put it this way. If I hadn't spun the Stormrider around, who do you think would have been shot? ...I wasn't in any more danger than anyone else on that battlefield, you know. No one's trying to target ME. And even if they were... I have Tanan. I'd have been fine. * Mikel lets out a sigh, suddenly hauling himself up with a groan. "Stand up." * Niri blinks. "What? Why?" But she does so, standing and giving Mikel a confused frown. Now, look straight at me. No looking up or anything. Just straight. * Niri shrugs but does so. "Okay, and?" * Mikel brings a finger from where the bandages over the bullet wound are and towards Niri's face. "How well can Tanan protect you from a shot to the head you guys don't see coming?" * Niri blinks at Mikel, then looks at the floor. Still. You can't ever do this again. * Mikel gets back into the bed with another wince, giving Niri a look. "Oh?" I doubt it's going to come up much, anyway. That was a freak chance. * Mikel just stares at Niri. Okay, hypothetical situation. Say you're this reaaaally powerful being. You kinda enjoy this. You've got a good thing going, trying to conquer the world and all that after all. Now! Someone starts going around gathering up, say, parts to something that's capable of burying you for good. What do you do when you figure this out? Ngh. Even so, I'm not much of a threat, Mikel. You heard what Rogar said. I'm only strong "because of all those dead bodies". People had to DIE for me to get where I am. Too many people. I don't want anyone else dying for me. I don't plan on dying. I also don't plan on just sitting there letting people take shots at you. But, back to my question. Here's the answer to what this being does. He tries to kill her. * Niri looks away ...If that's so...maybe next time you should just let him kill me. * Mikel ...stares. And why in the name of the Goddess and whoever the /fuck/ else is up there should I do that? Because I am so damn TIRED of losing friends! Vytor tried to protect me and look what happened to him! He knew what the hell could happen. We /all/ do. I know, but the next time something like this happens, you really COULD die, and then I don't know what I would do. I just... * Niri falls into her seat, leaning forward with her forehead resting on her hand. * Mikel closes his eyes, giving himself a few moments to compose himself. When he talks again he's quiet but deadly serious. "And what do you think we'd go through if you died? What would I do? Or Trune?" * Niri looks up, staring at Mikel. "But- I-" She blinks. "I...guess you have a point...just..." No one wants to lose their friends. That's why we do the crazy stuff that we do. I still find it hard to believe that I'm worth that kind of risk though. I'm not- I mean, how could I be a good enough friend to justify it? * Mikel closes his eyes. "What would you have done if you saw someone lining up a shot on me?" Push you to safety and take them out. *She says this without hesitation* And if your only choices were to take the shot or I take the shot? * Niri shrugs. "I'd do it." * Mikel shrugs. "Only fair I do the same for you then, isn't it?" * Niri closes her eyes and sighs. I guess so. Still not convinced that I deserve it though. I'm...kind of pathetic. ...jeez, you're just full of bad thoughts today. Why do you say that? Selfish. *She shrugs, seeming reluctant to elaborate.* * Mikel raises an eyebrow. "You? Why do you think that?" ...I was so angry with you, so HURT. And I just couldn't let it go, even though I think I knew what I was putting you through by acting that way. * Mikel blinks, looking plain confused now. I... wait, what? You've lost me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't even be bringing it up. Don't worry about it, it's nothing. Doesn't sound like nothing. Spill. * Niri is silent for a long moment, then sighs. In any other circumstances, we might have even been friends. I'm...sorry that I hated her. I'm sorry I was so jealous, and that with all you were going through, that was all I could think of. Even now, I can't think of it without gritting my teeth... It was incredibly selfish and unworthy of me and I'm sorry. * Mikel ...blinks. * Mikel opens his mouth as if to say something, then shuts it as he falls into thought for a few moments. "...jealous, huh. So that was why..." It was like I was losing my best friend. I dunno. I- * Mikel looks over at Niri, prompting her. "You..?" * Niri shrugs. "I really don't know WHY I felt so hurt about it. I just...I dunno, when I told you someone was going to get hurt? I guess what I really meant was that it was me. I don't know why." * Mikel falls silent again, leaning back against the headboard. I... well. ...So. I'm sorry for not being more understanding, for not being there for you when you needed it. And for just causing trouble when you were already dealing with so much. * Mikel looks at Niri again, tilting his head for a moment as if confused. "Ah... uhm, don't worry about it." * Niri suddenly stops, as if realizing she's been babbling. She mentally runs the conversation back in her head, then slowly starts to redden. She stands, almost knocking over her chair, and stumbles backward toward the door. * Mikel blinks, starting to haul himself out. "H-hey, hold on!" * Niri shakes her head and starts babbling again. "Oh, goddess Mikel, I didn't mean it like that, I - even I could never be so selfish as to - I did't -" * Niri turns and makes a run for the door, almost tripping on her own feet on her way out. * Mikel manages to get to his feet, though he nearly sends himself face first into the floor. "W-wait, dammit." * Niri stops at the door, turning to look back. She looks uncertain, as if ready to bolt at any moment. "You...shouldn't be out of bed." The doctor can yell at me later. Calm down a bit, alright? But... * Mikel raises an eyebrow. "'But'?" * Niri buries her face in her hands. "Please, just forget I said anything and just...go back to bed. Please." * Mikel tilts his head, frowning for a couple of moments. "It's not like you're gonna be able to make yourself forget you said that." But I didn't MEAN it, it just came out and it's...it doesn't mean anything, so just forget it. Which is why you nearly tripped over yourself making for the door. Because I'm /embarrassed/ you dolt! Because as usual I say all the wrong things and they don't come out the way I intended! * Niri is, indeed, flushing a bright red. So what were you meaning to say, then? Just that...I...I've been extraordinarily stupid all this time and I'm sorry. And that...look, I don't know, I don't know what I wanted to say. * Mikel raises an eyebrow, not looking convinced at all. "You're worse at this than Trune is." * Niri blinks. "Worse at what?" * Mikel shakes his head with a sigh, turning around and heading back towards the bed. "Trying to cover something up." I'm...I'm not trying to cover something up! And I'm Zophar's cousin. * Mikel takes a seat, looking over at Niri again. I don't think like that, I /couldn't/ think like that, it would be totally wrong of me to feel that way! Which is why you wanted to bolt. * Niri just looks helplessly confused at this point. * Mikel shakes his head. "Be honest with yourself at least, Niri." * Niri closes her eyes. "I...haven't thought about it. But even if it were true...it would be wrong of me, to feel it or to say anything about it. I...don't know if it's true." * Mikel watches Niri carefully for a couple of moments before managing a slight grin. "That's a bit better, at least. I don't think it's wrong to at least feel like that, at least, though." It is, though. I wouldn't have the right...and we have so many other far more important things to worry about, that's just a distraction I don't need. I can't be thinking about myself, I have to be thinking about...about saving Vytor, and... * Mikel makes a face. "Being too focused on the job turns you into Ryllan." But if the alternative is my friends dying... * Mikel shrugs. "If you let yourself get turned into something you aren't it's the same thing." * Niri nods noncommittally. "Well...look, can we just...pretend this didn't happen? Pretend that I didn't say anything?" * Mikel lets out a sigh, falling back onto the bed and placing his hands under the back of his head. "Maybe. It won't go away just with that though." Then...just for now. This all could be nothing anyway. Probably. I just...need to think. *She pauses* I didn't want to upset you, but I seem to have done it anyway. Mmm. Upset isn't the word I'd use. Then what? You seem...angry. Or disappointed in me. Or, I dunno. * Mikel snickers. "Maybe a little exasperated, I guess. But that's how I am, I guess. I work off my feelings for better or worse." ...And I'd be willing to deny whatever I had to in order to keep from hurting my friends. *She shrugs* I dunno. For example... The icefields. We have to go there to save Vytor. * Mikel closes his eyes with a sigh. "You recognize and understand how you feel about those, though." Yeah. Scared as hell. * Mikel opens one eye, giving Niri a sidelong look. "But with the thing you wish to never be mentioned again you can't make heads or tails of it." I...yes? * Mikel shakes his head. * Niri sighs, dropping her head a bit and slumping. Her hand still rests on the door. "I...guess I need to do some thinking." I'll be around, if you need me. I'm sure someone can come find me, I won't be far. Don't be too hard on yourself. Ha. Define too hard. I almost feel like I deserve it, after what happened today. That would basically be the textbook definition The bastard got away. It happens. When we catch up to him he's going to wish he hadn't. * Niri nods a bit grimly. "Yeah. Anyway...going now. Get some rest, okay?" You too. Don't beat yourself up about what happened, but do sort out how you feel. I'll...I'll try. * Niri slips out, or rather slinks out, still looking like she'd really like to crawl into a hole somewhere and die. * Mikel waits until Niri's out and has closed the door, closing his own eyes. After a moment though he speaks despite being alone in the room. "Well, what do you know. You figured it out right then and there, huh..." Another sigh and eventually he dozes off. ==Lude End=